


the inside of love

by insunshine



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-18
Updated: 2007-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-13 03:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insunshine/pseuds/insunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannah and Logan did not date in high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the inside of love

She breaks up with him on a Tuesday.

 

It’s harsh, and it’s angry, and the fight is completely out of the blue, considering the good spell they’ve been having.

 

He doesn’t want to, but he isn’t quite sure how to stop himself as he follows her out to the parking garage, his fingers grasping at the shoulder of her coat, but just barely. Her eyes are stormy, and her features are drawn, and if he didn’t know better he’d say she was sick or something, but that’s-

 

Completely and totally feasible, actually.

 

 _Veronica, come on, whatever it is, we can deal with it together;_ he moves his hand down lower on her back, making smoothing motions with his fingers, and he’s almost, almost, _almost_ there, when she stiffens and takes a step forward and away from him. He’s always admired her posture, but her back is ramrod straight now, and her hands are clenched into fists at her sides.

 

 _I don’t want to deal with anything…with you;_ as retorts go, it falls flat, and if that were just it, he would stand there, and deal with the screaming and the punches, and even the silence that would inevitably come, but this, the hatred in her eyes, he’s never seen it before.

 

_Come on, Veronica. You can’t pull a Duncan on me. Not now. You don’t have any siblings I can interrogate._

 

There’s a tiny, mischievous grin on his face, because he’s teasing, and because it’s been so long, that the ban on mentioning the on-the-run DK has been lifted, but her brow arches, and she’s definitely not smiling.

 

 _You’re bringing_ Duncan _into this? That’s low, even for you;_ the fact that her voice breaks on his former best friend’s name is enough to send his mind reeling. They are 24, they’ve been together for years; through apocalypses and marriages and Buffy marathons on TV, and he’s not petty enough to pawn the destruction of all of that on the whimsical thought that she was never in love with him at all. He knows she was. She seemed to be yesterday, the last time he saw her, when she was crawling out of bed, 20 minutes late.

 

She only glares at him now, determination in her eyes, her knuckles white where she’s clutching at the strap of her purse. He locks his eyes onto hers, and then he sees it, through the bravado and the anger, a glimmer of something; fear…and confusion, maybe. She blinks and both emotions are gone instantly, stored miles beneath where the pounds of her anger lay on the surface.

 

_Now, do you want to backtrack just a second, where you aren’t an insane mercenary Valkyrie, but my girlfriend, and tell me what’s wrong?_

 

She doesn’t say anything, and she swivels her head down, staring at the gray cement flooring. He takes a step closer to her, slow like, so the sudden movement doesn’t make her too skittish, and puts his hands on her shoulders.

 

_Will you tell me what happened, so maybe I can fix it?_

 

She looks up at him, and her eyes are swimming again, and it looks like tears are threatening, but she doesn’t make a sound, and instead of struggling with him like the normal Veronica would, she goes limp under his hands.

 

Which is when he starts to suspect that she’s really a Veronica bot in disguise. The real Veronica would never, ever back down from a challenge like that, silent or not, especially not one issued from him.

 

_Turn around for a second, will you?_

 

_Why? So you can rip the shirt straight off my back? God, Logan, what else do you want from me?_

 

His entire body freezes as the words spin around him, and of their own volition really, his hands drop off her shoulders. She turns back to face him, and it’s innate, like a sixth sense, almost, because she takes his dumbfounded silence as a victory, and scurries to her car before he can stop her.

 

As she drives away, he doesn’t even know what he’s losing.

 

**

 

 _Hi Logan;_ the girl is gorgeous, there’s no doubt about it, but she’s young, younger than him by a good three years at least, and she’s got that look about her that just screams paisley pink innocence.

 

He’s so far in the bottle that he doesn’t care. It’s been exactly seven months, six days, and a couple of hours in change, since he’s seen Veronica, and the world is getting bleaker by the minute.

 

 _Well hello there, mystery lady;_ he mumbles. _Do we know each other?_

 

He’s rewarded with her laugh, and it’s just as sweet and cotton candy as the rest of her. Her eyes sparkle as she scoots closer to him on her barstool, and he’s close enough now to see the shiny pinkness of her lip-gloss.

 

 _I’m not a mystery;_ she whispers, and she’s close and leaning closer, and the long strands of her blonde hair brush against the skin of his hands. There’s no tingle that goes through him when she touches him, but it’s nice, being around a warm body again.

 

 _I certainly don’t know you;_ he slurs back, and it’s sort of a contradiction really, because he is way too sober to be remembering words like certainly, and a double whammy of way too old and way too drunk to be talking to this girl.

 

 _Would you like to? We went to high school together, so it really, it be a re-acquaintance. I’m Hannah;_ She whispers as she leans forward and brushes her lips against his. He’s expecting it, sort of, because she’s so close, and obviously interested, but when they kiss, and he can taste the vanilla on her lips, it becomes real, and that’s what he can’t handle.

 

 _You know;_ he says, and he guesses he’s more sober than he thought he was, or maybe it’s this girl, with her denim mini skirt, and her hand on his thigh, that sobers him up. He shouldn’t be here, with this semi familiar looking girl, getting smashed. He should be home, with Veronica. _I really would, but I’m sort seeing someone._

 

He can’t mistake the look of hurt that flashes in her eyes, and he didn’t think it was possible, but she looks even younger than before.

 

 _Maybe some other time, then;_ she says, and when she stands to walk away, he sees the miles of leg underneath that skirt, and the grin she shoots him over her shoulder is one that tells me that the exist was planned. _Goodnight, Logan Echolls;_ she’s twinkling, and she’s beautiful, and when she sticks her hand back out, reaching for his, he can’t help but taking it, even though his brain is screaming for him not to.

 

**

 

The sex is mediocre.

 

They both know it, but she snuggles close to him anyway, her hair soft against his chest, and she holds his hand between both of hers, and falls asleep that way, as if clinging on to him for dear life, afraid that he’ll leave.

 

He doesn’t hear it, but in his jacket pocket, not too far away, and set on vibrate, his cell phone rings.

 

It’s the most important call he’s ever missed.

 

**

 

It’s funny, but after a while, he kind of falls in love with her a little. 

 

Even if he doesn’t call her for weeks-which, if he’s going to be perfectly honest, happens a lot, she’ll still show up, magically getting behind security personnel, and the fact that she doesn’t have a key to his place, and she’ll come in and shake out the drapes and actually yank them open, but only once in a while, and only when he’s been awake for more than 20 minutes.

 

Veronica doesn’t call again, doesn’t return his calls when he does dial them, and after a while, even though the ache doesn’t really go away, it dulls some.

 

 _You’re a really good kid; you know that, don’t you?_ He mumbles against Hannah’s chest one morning as they’re lounging in bed. Her laugh winds itself around them, and his ears perk up for a minute, hoping for some magic, for it to draw him in, but it doesn’t.

 

It’s a perfectly good laugh, just not… _something_.

 

 _So you keep telling me;_ she murmurs against his lips as she slips her arms around his neck. _Gramps._

 

They go to a wedding together, her third cousin Shelby on her mother’s side, she tells him, and her dress is swingy and blue, and it matches her eyes, and they dance until her feet hurt, but, she doesn’t take off her shoes and swing with him across the floor, and no one gives a drunken toast, or crashes into the wedding cake, like they did at Keith’s, and even though it’s perfectly respectable, it’s not what he’d been expecting at all.

 

They watch a Buffy marathon together too, one that she got up early to TiVo, but she falls asleep after the third episode, and gets scared at the monsters instead of laughing. He tells her that she’s better off watching a re-run of _Charmed_ , and she giggles before telling him that she loves that show.

 

He doesn’t know why, but he falls a little bit out of love with her in that moment.

 

**

 

She’s out of town, visiting her sick grandma when he bumps into Veronica again. It’s been a year, six months and a few weeks-not that he’s been counting, and her eyes are as guarded as they were the last time they saw each other.

 

 _Logan;_ the word seems to be ripped from her throat, and she suddenly doesn’t look as composed as he’d first thought.

 

 _Veronica, hey, how’ve you been?_ He asks, and his voice is smooth and clear, and he tries to keep his eyes bright and his tone friendly, because even though he’s the drunk, she looks more worse for wear than he does.

 

_Unable to describe the last year in my life to fit in a three-word sentence, unfortunately._

 

Her voice is icy, formal at best, and he can’t help but wonder what the hell happened to the girl he used to know.

 

_Uh, Okay, I don’t exactly know how to respond to that._

 

She is silent, staring down at the ground, and nowhere near his face. She looks thinner than he’s ever seen her.

 

 _It was nice seeing you, I guess;_ he murmurs, and he doesn’t know what compels him to do it, certainly nothing about her, but he leans forward, and grabs her into a hug.

 

He knows it’s a mistake the second his arms round her shoulders. Knows it’s a mistake when he doesn’t want to let her go again. Wonders if it’s really over, when for a just a second, she melts into him.

 

 _I have to go;_ she whispers, taking a step back as soon as he lets her go. Her cheeks are flushed and pink, and even though he doesn’t get the best look, it looked as if her eyes had filled with tears. 

 

He watches as she runs to her car, practically bursting in to a sprint, sees how she breathes only when she’s settled, and wonders if she remembers the times they spent together as well as he does.

 

The entire way home he tells himself that he doesn’t care, and that it doesn’t matter; that it was good, seeing her now, because it’s over and he can really move on. When his cell rings, though, her name is on his lips.

 

**

 

He’s surprised that Hannah takes it in stride, even though he shouldn’t be.

 

 _It’s Okay, baby;_ she murmurs, from her perch on the floor, carefully placing holiday ornaments on even the lowest branches of the tree. She smiles as she looks up at him, and he won’t pretend that he doesn’t see the significance of the light dancing a halo across her hair. _You’d just seen someone who was a huge part of your life for a really long time. It’s Okay. I get it. I love you, Logan;_ she whispers, and she presses her entire body next to his as she hugs him, closes her eyes and holds him tight.

 

He leans down and kisses her, and even though they’ve been seeing each other for almost a year, it’s the first time he’s really meant it. He makes a promise to appreciate her more, and to maybe love her and do all those things that he should.

 

He wants to, he wants to so bad, but he doesn’t know if he can.

 

**

 

He’s surprised, but he’s underestimated her again, and when they do break up, six months later, the split is amicable.

 

 _You are a really good guy, Logan;_ she whispers, and there are tears on her cheeks, and her voice is the roughest he’s ever heard it.

 

 _So then why are you leaving?_ He asks, and he’s feeling petulant. If she really loved him like she claims, she wouldn’t be leaving. If she really loved him, she wouldn’t be-

 

_I’m not breaking your heart, Logan. That’s the problem._

 

 _So you’re leaving me because you think it doesn’t hurt? Baby, it_ hurts.

 

She laughs, and the sound twinkles around them, but it doesn’t drag him in, and he knows it never has.

 

She bends down and kisses his forehead, and he can feel the moisture on her cheeks.

 

 _Goodbye, Logan;_ she whispers, and he doesn’t look as she walks to the door, even though he knows she wants him to.

 

 _Take care;_ he says as the doors closing, and he can see her shoulders stiffening, but she doesn’t say anything, and he knows she’ll be fine.

 

**

 

_Logan, hi._

 

_Hi._

 

She’s actually smiling at him, and he has no idea why she called him now, out of the blue, because it’s been three years since they broke up, and another one and half since they’ve seen each other, and their adults, it shouldn’t still hurt this bad to be around her, but it does.

 

 _So…what am I doing here, Veronica?_ She smiles tightly at him, but when he looks into her eyes this time, he doesn’t see any anger. _I mean, if we’re going to hash it out, I wouldn’t think to do it in a public park. I mean, there are_ witnesses _around._

 

Her breath hitches, and she smiles a little as she looks down at her hands.

 

 _I…deserve that;_ she murmurs, and as she peeks up at him through her lashes, he can’t imagine anyone ever being more beautiful.

 

 _Yeah, you do. I mean, storming out without a word? Without_ anything? _Completely falling off the radar? Veronica, we were together for five years, and then you just_ left _me._

 

She takes a calming breath, and he can’t look at anymore, it hurts too damn much, and when he looks down, he can see that her hands are shaking.

 

_L-Logan, I want you to meet someone._

 

His blood runs cold.

 

_What, are you like in relationship AA or something, and you need my permission before you can move on? I don’t want to meet him, Veronica. Just being here with you now is too-_

 

She turns, and he thinks she’s leaving, and he can’t look at her either, even though he never wants to look at anyone else ever again.

 

_Veronica, don’t-_

 

 _Logan, this is Ryan;_ she murmurs, and when he looks up again, there’s a little boy standing next to her, holding her hand. He’s never see her stand quite so tall before, but the truth is, she _does_ tower over the little guy. 

 

_I don’t…I don’t understand._

 

The kid is adorable, Veronica personified, with blond ringlets and big blue eyes and the most beautiful smile Logan thinks he’s ever seen. He feels something low and painful, twisting in his gut.

 

_This is why you left._

 

 _I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t know how to tell you, or how you’d react…I-I’m sorry;_ she’s biting hard on her bottom lip, and he can see tears in the corners of her eyes. He moves to wipe them away with the pad of his thumb and she shivers.

 

He can’t look at her, and he slouches further against this wooden bench, his eyes fixed on what is possibly the cutest kid he’s ever laid eyes on.

 

 _I always said we’d have adorable kids, Mars;_ he mutters, taking one of the boy’s hands in his. _And I was totally right._

 

She smiles, and the tears she’d been trying to hold in, slip down her cheeks as she looks at him, so comfortable and at ease with this baby that she loves more than anything in the entire world. She feels the ache she’s been holding in her chest for all this time begin to ease.

 

 _I should have told you;_ she whispers and her voice gets caught up in a gust of wind that swirls around him, and he knows she should have, and he knows he should be mad, that he has the right to be mad, but he isn’t.

 

He can’t be, this moment is too perfect.

 

 _It’s Okay;_ he says, and he reaches across the space between them, with the hand that isn’t holding Ryan, and wraps his fingers around hers. _I know now._


End file.
